Reflections on 2006. Goals for 2007.

WARNING: This entry is a good 1600 word so if you don’t have the time or attention span you might want to read it in sections!

Reflecting on 2006 was good for me because in my heart of hearts I can’t remember a year where I accomplished so much or grew so much.

I flew for the first time, overcame fears, decided to “better” myself in different aspects of my life.

I think I’m slowly but surely growing out of my immature habits. Don’t get me wrong, I like living on the fringe of the conscious black man and the ignorant Negro. I mean the blend of the two makes me, for all the jazz, soul and common sense in me there’s a little Three 6 Mafia you know what I mean. I can’t live without the two; being serious all the time is kind of pompous and being ignorant is just that ignorant.

My goals for 2007 are to continue to grow as a person (which is easily attainable) but I also want to become more articulate and as I’ve told some of the people close to me, I want to learn how to speak up when it matters. Whether that means expressing my true feelings to someone or standing up for a particular cause I want to have the courage to speak then to go along with my usual gregarious nature.

In 2007, I’m going to use my God given vocabulary. I’m kind of tired of “dumbing” things down. I want to become more well read; I’ve avoided books for a long time. I want to have more intellectual conversations in 2007. I love sports and music but I mean come on, I read the Wall Street Journal and at least two newspapers everyday, and watch as much CNN, CNBC and History Channel as I do ESPN, HBO and MTV.

I think I’m going to put a clear divide between me, Mike McCray and “Big Mike” as I’m referred too.

Since high school I’ve felt like “Big Mike” was a persona and Mike McCray was actually me. “Big Mike” is an asshole (which I enjoy being sometimes). He is a self-assured know-it-all who is outgoing, comical and what old people would call a “character.”

Mike McCray on the other hand is a more reserved person who possesses a lot of the traits of “Big Mike” except they are scaled down. Mike McCray likes to sit at home instead of going to the club just to write, listen to music without words (no not rap instrumentals), Mike McCray is quiet and talks only to overcome hide his fear of public speaking. He hates speaking in front of people while “Big Mike” is first to volunteer to run his mouth in class or in his social circles.

The funny thing is Mike McCray’s success depends heavily on the development of “Big Mike” because people tend to like “Big Mike.” He’s entertaining, spontaneous and energetic. He shakes things up while Mike McCray sits, watches and goes with the flow.

The common sense of Mike McCray keeps “Big Mike” from getting out of hand. Mike McCray is the one who sits at home and worries about his future, his family, and his decisions that day while “Big Mike” more or less says fuck it and channels his energy into something useless. Mike McCray doesn’t get drunk. He has a drink socially and kind of sidelines while “Big Mike” gets twisted.

Some days I really hate being “Big Mike” and just want to be Mike McCray, the only problem with that is everybody knows and expects “Big Mike” nobody knows or cares to know who Mike McCray is so they assume I’m having a bad day when really I just want to chill out, go unnoticed and do something constructive.

Another downfall to being “Big Mike” is when a woman starts to like “Big Mike” then we chill more often and I get comfortable enough to let myself come out and because myself is a home body who isn’t aggressive, an extreme “good guy”, a lame if you will. Things fall apart and that’s disappointing.

I don’t have split personalities. I just have two personalities (if that makes sense at all). It’s not like I haven’t tried to morph the two in what you might call a “Super Mike” but they clash so much. “Big Mike” is chauvinistic while Mike McCray has a conscious and can’t fathom any logical excuse for cheating. “Big Mike” is a player with no game. Mike McCray is a levelheaded person who just wants love. “Big Mike” is hard to explain but obviously shallow while Mike McCray is wholesome, kind hearted, romantic and embarrassingly naïve (ask the people that know me).

I think it’s interesting that every woman that I am close too is either married, in a serious relationship or a million miles away. I guess in some instances its because other men see what I see in them and because I guess if I don’t have a chance at somebody then the stupid things I do to impress or “court” someone goes out the window and I just become myself. Tell embarrassing stories, share my thoughts and dreams, and listen to their problems and help where I can.

I hope people meet Mike McCray in 2007. You just might like him and don’t worry “Big Mike” will be there too. I’m more or less “Big Mike” in class and Mike McCray at home (except “Big Mike” is messy and Mike McCray is neat and “Big Mike” wins that battle).

Enough of my internal struggles.

In 2007, I’m really hoping to become more of a leader. Those close to me know that I want to be the editor in chief of The A&T Register in 2007. I haven’t hidden that at all.
So in the spring of 2007 I want to prepare for what hopefully will be my position in the fall.

As editor (cue campaign music), I want to get back to the “glory days” of the paper where we covered hard news, put an A&T spin on other news and kept things fresh and entertaining. I really think that me not being a print journalism major helps me understand a broader audience and keeps me from getting locked into print journalism standards which in a dying industry and very outdated. I know that the paper has duty to cover events but with I also know that without the fluff, you lose your base, which should be a 50/50 information and entertainment. Hook ‘em with the fashion or sports piece and hope they read the world news page next to it.

Let’s see…oh yeah, I want to get better with money. I get paid on the 15th of every month yet I’m usually broke by the 20th. I’m extremely careless with money. Whether I leave it somewhere, waste it or give it away, I rarely budget. I’ve gone through budgeting phases before but they usually go out the window when I get enough to go crazy on eBay. I mean I’ve used Quicken, Microsoft Money, the works but in can say, I will continue to pay my bills on time in 2007 because I need good credit.

I want to travel more in 2007. I probably should have saved more money in 2006 to do it but I think where there is a will there is a way. I want to thank A&T for giving me the opportunity to see different places and experience new things (on their money). But, this goes back to “Big Mike” vs. Mike McCray. “Big Mike” is Charlotte this, QC that while Mike McCray realizes that Charlotte has nothing on the world that I haven’t seen yet. I do hope to go abroad before I leave school, even if it’s only a week or two.

I want to pray for my continued blessings in 2007. I’ve told a lot of people that I’m starting to worry about all this success and good in my life and even went as far as to put myself on notice for something bad to happen at one point in 2006. I’m hoping that I can grow out of that skepticism about success and be able to accept it and the moment enough to where I can enjoy the blessings bestowed upon me.

I want to become more thankful in 2007. I got baptized in 2006 and I haven’t fallen back into bad habits but I have fallen back into my old habits. I don’t pray like I should, I don’t give thanks like I should. I really don’t study the Bible but I still feel my relationship with God is a strong one.

I know it’s a personal relationship but to share a little bit with you. I think I’m pretty good with the Lord. I believe that even with the “wild” statements I make that God knows my sense of humor and knows my heart and the honest truth is I don’t have the heart to even do a lot of bad things. Whether it was my upbringing in church or just good common sense, I can’t bring myself to do a lot of the destructive things that are frowned upon by the church, my parents and society.

I want to be a better friend in 2007. I honestly think I’m a good one now. I’m not overtly selfish and I do care; other than my asshole moments I think I’m above average. I never tell the people around me I love them. So there is room for improvement.

I want to highlight my “good” features in 2007. I’m not a model (obviously) but I do think I have a lot to offer a lucky woman. I want to accent my personality (sense of humor and all that jazz), my intelligence and my style this year (Mike and style? Well in 2007, we’ll see how that goes)

I’ve rambled enough for one post, hope to see you all in 2007. Be blessed. Stay Safe.

DO WHAT YOU LOVE. LOVE WHAT YOU DO. Words to live by in 2007.